Let’s Weigh The Pros and Cons of a Kanye West Presidency
It’s been so long since I was legitimately surprised by anything that when Kanye West tweeted about his intent to run for president of the United States over the weekend, I chuckled for about .002 seconds, sighed, and immediately returned to binge-watching season three of Dark on Netflix.
(It’s confusing as hell but you can’t look away — much like Kanye West, now that I think about it.)
Kanye’s Twitter-shattering news has been sitting beside me like a sophisticated radish for a few days now and I’ve had some time to give it the serious contemplation it deserves.
I mean, the man’s lyrics do have some great campaign slogan potential:
“Kanye In 2020 — I’m Doing Pretty Hood In My Pink Polo”
“West For President — I Just Blame Everything On You”
“Fuck You, Pay Me — And Vote For Yeezy”
“I Know I Act A Fool — Vote For Kanye, Anyway”
“Kanye West 2020 — Somethin’ Wrong”
“My Face Always Lookin’ Like Somebody Stinks — Vote For Kanye”
“I Just Want To Design Hotels — Kanye For A Better White House”
“Kanyeezy For Preezy — Immature Adult, Insecure Asshole”
“Lost His Mind — Imma Let You Finish (Voting For Kanye)”
Snappy catchphrases aside, could a Kanye presidency really be so bad?
I wondered.
And then I made a list to weigh the pros and cons.
Why Kanye West Would Make a Good President
- Is a human being.
- Is God’s vessel.
- Is Shakespeare in the flesh. (Wow, he is a lot of things!)
- Will be the loudest voice, which is super important because the United States is way lacking in loud voices, I’ve noticed.
- Is a taste maker.
- Has a mind like a Hermes factory.
- Likes dopeness. (Don’t we all?)
- Wants to ban stuff that’s whack.
Why Kanye West Would Not Make a Good President
- Declines autographs from books.
- Wants zero responsibility for water bottles.
- Is against sleeping on fur pillows.
- Doesn’t like to think.
- Lacks a concrete plan for if he wakes up whack one day.
- Indecisive and doesn’t know what’s better: getting laid or getting paid.
So far, the pros for a Kanye presidency actually outweigh the cons.
Then again, I’d vote for a sophisticated radish sooner than I’d vote for Trump.