Let’s Weigh The Pros and Cons of a Kanye West Presidency

2020 Presidential candidate Kanye West performs at the Verizon Center in Washington, D.C. on Nov. 21, 2013.
Photograph © Peter Hutchins / Wikimedia Creative Commons / cc-by-2.0 / unedited

It’s been so long since I was legitimately surprised by anything that when Kanye West tweeted about his intent to run for president of the United States over the weekend, I chuckled for about .002 seconds, sighed, and immediately returned to binge-watching season three of Dark on Netflix.

(It’s confusing as hell but you can’t look away — much like Kanye West, now that I think about it.)

Kanye’s Twitter-shattering news has been sitting beside me like a sophisticated radish for a few days now and I’ve had some time to give it the serious contemplation it deserves.

I mean, the man’s lyrics do have some great campaign slogan potential:

“Kanye In 2020 — I’m Doing Pretty Hood In My Pink Polo”
“West For President — I Just Blame Everything On You”
“Fuck You, Pay Me — And Vote For Yeezy”
“I Know I Act A Fool — Vote For Kanye, Anyway”
“Kanye West 2020 — Somethin’ Wrong”
“My Face Always Lookin’ Like Somebody Stinks — Vote For Kanye”
“I Just Want To Design Hotels — Kanye For A Better White House”
“Kanyeezy For Preezy — Immature Adult, Insecure Asshole”
“Lost His Mind — Imma Let You Finish (Voting For Kanye)”

Snappy catchphrases aside, could a Kanye presidency really be so bad?

I wondered.

And then I made a list to weigh the pros and cons.

Why Kanye West Would Make a Good President

1. Is a human being.
2. Is God’s vessel.
3. Is Shakespeare in the flesh. (Wow, he is a lot of things!)
4. Will be the loudest voice, which is super important because the United States is way lacking in loud voices, I’ve noticed.
5. Is a taste maker.
6. Has a mind like a Hermes factory.
7. Likes dopeness. (Don’t we all?)
8. Wants to ban stuff that’s whack.

Why Kanye West Would Not Make a Good President

1. Declines autographs from books.
2. Wants zero responsibility for water bottles.
3. Is against sleeping on fur pillows.
4. Doesn’t like to think.
5. Lacks a concrete plan for if he wakes up whack one day.
6. Indecisive and doesn’t know what’s better: getting laid or getting paid.

So far, the pros for a Kanye presidency actually outweigh the cons.

Then again, I’d vote for a sophisticated radish sooner than I’d vote for Trump.